Archive for February, 2008

Wednesday, February 13th, 2008

haven’t exactly been in the best of moods these days and it’s more than a cathartic run and swim will cure.

had a quick chat with sweetie pie today (better known as michael lim), although it was more of sweetie pie talking and grunts from me. currently attempting to suscribe to the “everything happens for a reason” school of thought as some form of consolation, ah but well. time will tell and i’ll keep my faith.

some cheerer-uppers:

“Rockstar”
~Nickelback

I’m through with standin’ in line
To clubs I’ll never get in
It’s like the bottom of the ninth
And I’m never gonna win
This life hasn’t turned out
Quite the way I want it to be
(Tell me what you want)

I want a brand new house
On an episode of Cribs
And a bathroom I can play baseball in
And a king size tub big enough
For ten plus me
(Yeah, so tell what you need)

I’ll need a.. a credit card that’s got no limit
And a big black jet with a bedroom in it
Gonna join the mile high club
At thirty-seven thousand feet
(Been there done that)

I want a new tuned bus full of old guitars
My own star on Hollywood Boulevard
Somewhere between Cher and
James Dean is fine for me
(So how you gonna do it?)

I’m gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I’d even cut my hair and change my name

[CHORUS]
‘Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses, driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We’ll all stay skinny ’cause we just won’t eat
And we’ll hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger’s
Gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny
With her bleach blonde hair
And well…

Hey, hey, I wanna be a rockstar
Hey, hey, I wanna be a rockstar

I wanna be great like Elvis without the tassels
Hire eight body guards that love to beat up assholes
Sign a couple autographs
So I can eat my meals for free
(I’ll have the quesadilla, ha ha)

I’m gonna dress my ass
With the latest fashion
Get a front door key to the Playboy mansion
Gonna date a centerfold that loves to
Blow my money for me
(So how you gonna do it?)

I’m gonna trade this life
For fortune and fame
I’d even cut my hair
And change my name

‘Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars and
Live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We’ll all stay skinny ’cause we just won’t eat
And we’ll hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger’s
Gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny
With her bleach blonde hair
And we’ll hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary of
Today’s who’s who
They’ll get you anything
with that evil smile
Everybody’s got a
Drug dealer on speed dial, well
Hey, hey, I wanna be a rockstar

I’m gonna sing those songs
That offend the censors
Gonna pop my pills
From a Pez dispenser

Get washed-up singers writing all my songs
Lip synch ’em every night so I don’t get ’em wrong

Well we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We’ll all stay skinny ’cause we just won’t eat
And we’ll hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger’s
Gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny
With her bleach blond hair
And we’ll hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary of
Today’s who’s who
They’ll get you anything
with that evil smile
Everybody’s got a
Drug dealer on speed dial,well

Hey, hey, I wanna be a rockstar
Hey, hey, I wanna be a rockstar 

this song cracks me up. it’s one of those songs that you can sing, ala headbanger style, in your most sandpaper-esque voice at maximum volume and get away with.  

also…

although flowers are not anywhere near the top of my most wanted list and i’ll agonize over whether or not to throw them away when they eventually wilt, die and make a mess on my floor from dead petals, they still manage to coax a smile. =)

made my day to come home to a pretty bouquet waiting on my desk. in my ex-favourite colour, purple. if kyo had stuck to my current favourite colour, he’d have had to send me a cactus. or a cabbage.

=) 

Monday, February 11th, 2008

i am aching in places i never knew existed.

at the ripe old age of 24, father time is catching up with me.

abandoned the run + gym today for a “recovery” swim this afternoon during lunch, but the sheer monotony of a long mindless swim sometimes tends to stand in the way of “recovery”. usually, i do my best to get it over with. managed to do 50 continuous laps within an hour. yay. itch from minor sunburn, nay.

in a shitty mood, so in a valiant attempt at uplift, i shall remind myself of 10 things i love, starting with a random letter that i shall hit on my keyboard (it’s kinda hard to generate “randomness” when you more or less know what letter is spaced where on the board).

.

great. i hit a full stop.

G

1. Gear–i totally love getting new climbing gear! i love doing research and reading gear reviews, ordering the items, waiting in anticipation for them to arrive and then tearing off the wrapping and testing everything out!

2. Gym–according to lihui, i live in the gym. enough said.

3. Green–my new favourite colour. after a long spell of pink (which will never end), yellow and purple.

4. Greenday–“hitchin’ a ride” is still my all time favourite running track.

5. Gal pals–we all need a bitchfest once in a while and more importantly, the right people who’ll listen and make requisite sympathetic noises at suitable intervals. it usually doesn’t really matter if they’re actually listening.

6.  Gregory Maguire’s “Wicked”–a postmodern twist to oz

7. “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes”!!!–marilyn monroe single-handedly started my love affair with classic hollywood (i realise i’m beginning to cheat here, but i can’t think of very many more “G” things that i love).

8. GOYA!–the father of modern art

9. Gobstoppers–mummmmwwmmummmumww…

10. Gummi Bears–i count myself lucky to have found a gummi bear soulmate in kyo. he’s useful for eating all the yellow ones i don’t like but can’t simply throw away.

the BIG one

Tuesday, February 5th, 2008

it’s crunch time and a whole host of thoughts are swirling about in a rather unsettling fashion in my little mental universe.

so it’s crunch time. 6 more weeks till the BIG ONE. everest, that is.

these days, when i contemplate the fact that in 6 weeks (i.e. next month) i’ll actually be looking up at everest, it just completely blows my mind.

i was telling yihui yesterday, in betwwen huffs and puffs on a morning trail run, that i think this everest climb will be like nothing we’ve ever done or ever will do. duh.

everest has been a goal for so long and it’s been something that i’ve pushed myself so hard for over the past few years. now that i’m actually about to embark on it, i find myself totally excited, but at the same time, also highly uneasy that there’s no longer a comforting “future time” as a buffer, when actual contemplation of the climb and its consequences can be relegated to “later” and one is pretty much buoyed up by the very idea of climbing.

see? crunch time.

in all honesty, i feel it is impossible for any climber to seriously declare that he or she is fully prepared and is secure in the knowledge that every single bit of ground has been covered and every single muscle fibre is ready for that one big day at the top. at best, i think we all just pray and hope that some happy twist of fate will help save the day when even the best laid plans fall short.

it’s the fact that everest has so much history behind it that pretty much awes me and puts my little position in perspective. there have been so many mountaineering “greats” on the slopes of everest throughout its history: hillary, bonnington, messner, boukreev, viesturs among others and i find myself wondering if i am even worthy to step foot on everest’s slopes.

everest has produced so many remarkable successes, so many tragic mishaps, so many stories and so many tales that have become legends and where among all these incredible feats and heart-rending losses, do i now stand? as much as i am psyched by the challenge, i am afraid that i am not worthy enough to stand where other much better climbers have stood, climbing the same mountain.

it’s a strange feeling.

i’ve spent the last four years staring up at a map of everest on my wall (the very same map that moves around with me, depending on where i spend the most hours, from my home, to hostel and now, office) and i feel like i know the mountain on some level, it’s geography, how the khumbu icefalls looks like, where the camps are, how long it may take to the summit, how bad the weather can be, how tough the lhotse face is, the bottleneck at the hillary step…yet i know absolutely nothing about it.

maybe, that’s the ironic magnetism of everest and mountaineering in general. we spend years making plans, refining schedules, testing out high-tech gear, reading up on other expedition reports, hoping to just get that extra little edge to give us a better shot at what may be waiting for us up high. yet, despite the most meticulous plans, perfect health and most expensive equipment, how many of us still utter a prayer to an ambiguous, probably indifferent, mountain god under our breath to just please, please grant us safe passage.   

i know i always do.